I think you already know that I’m not a flag-waving fan of Valentine’s Day. I don’t bother with the traditions and I’m a bit ambivalent about the trappings and hijinks that have become enmeshed in Valentine’s Day. While you won’t find me camped in the card section at the drug store, reading each of the Valentines in turn and trying to find one that sounds like something I would actually say out loud, I definitely don’t condemn other folks who do.
However, there is one old-timey tradition that I am shocked and appalled by and would absolutely never endorse in any way.
The sending of what was called “Vinegar Valentines” was at the height of its popularity during the mid-19th century and focused around sending messages to people one knew personally, along with people one did not, that were as full of mean-spirited abuse and insults as the love-filled Valentines were of schmaltz. Vinegar Valentines were meant to be as nasty and cruel as they could possibly be (“Everyone thinks you’re an ass.” What the?) while still rhyming, and were accompanied by some sort of cartoon or garish caricature that vividly illustrated the point. I can’t figure out if the whole idea was started by a bunch of 10-year-old boys or by a Mean Girls group of high schoolers!
There were Vinegar Valentines sent to people because the sender wanted to spurn a suitor or to shame someone’s bald head or because a person was seen as greedy or tight-fisted or drank too much or talked too loud or was too flirty or preferred to be single or because they were avid readers or pretty much any other reason you could come up with and fashion into a sonnet.
Back in those times, Valentines were not cards that were tucked into a tidy sealed envelope in order to be mailed. No, since envelopes had only just been invented and were still not widely used or thought necessary, Valentines were postcards. Sometimes, the postman who was charged with carrying the Vinegar Valentine to the intended victim, was referenced within the poem as being stupid or useless. And he would be able to read that for himself.
Everyone found themselves in the sights of the Vinegar Valentine and no opportunity was wasted to spew venom on salespeople or physicians or landlords or employers or policemen. There were cruel poems written for everyone! Once the Suffragette movement began to gain some traction, the participating women were a favourite target for those who were too cowardly to deliver an insult face-to-face.
The estimate is that at the height of their popularity, Vinegar Valentines accounted for half of all Valentines that were purchased and posted. In 1871, the post office in London, England delivered 1.2 million Valentines of which, presumably, 600,000 were in the Vinegar classification, although the number sent was much higher than that. The post office confiscated some of the Vinegar variety because they were far too vulgar or insulting to even send! Add to the insult of receiving a Vinegar Valentine the fact that quite often they would be sent C.O.D. so that the receiver of the mean card had to pay a penny in order to read the unsigned slur contained on the card. SO rude!
There were letters sent to the editors of newspapers and to the printers of greeting cards every year complaining about this widespread nastiness, but poisoned Valentines would stick around until they eventually fell out of favour in the 1970s.
These days, insulting and offensive comments made by the nameless have found their second wind and self-righteously criticize or cruelly demean the salespeople, physicians, policemen, landlords, and employers of our day, not to mention all those others who are just trying to maneuver through their computer-public lives, hoping to find their tribe or landing place.
With any luck, the Vinegar Valentine will remain moldering where it fell and we can entrust the giving of Valentines to those who use the medium to spread love or to give a voice to their emotions and hope-filled ambitions.
After all, it is crystal clear that bitter criticism or maliciousness or viciousness has never inspired our society to become anything better than the absolute worst version of itself.
“In a world where you can be anything, be kind.” Anonymous
