All I was trying to find out was what the difference was between a cocktail fork and a formal oyster fork. I have a fascination with cutlery. Everyone has that, right?
(Side note: it is fine to stick with cocktail forks unless you are very Very.)
My fork queries eventually led me into questioning the history of our table manners and that was when I found Daniel of Beccles and a little poem he wrote as early as 1190AD. The poem is entitled “Urbanus Magnus” in its original Latin form, but the translated title is “The Book of the Civilised Man”.
It’s a how-to. Loosely.
The thought is that Daniel of Beccles was the first of the Europeans to write and publish a book about manners, acceptable behaviour, general etiquette, and developing one’s own personal morals, although several followed suit throughout the rest of the Middle Ages giving us lively titles such as “Der Welhische Gast” by Thomasin Von Zirclaere and the German “Tannhauser Book of Manners” both from the early 13th century.
Daniel of Beccles’ poem “The Book of the Civilised Man” was a thorough little number, and at 3000 lines, it would need to be. Court etiquette and society would begin to take off throughout the 13th century so it must have really started trending with the young and with those looking to raise their class status to accomplish their lofty goals. He actually starts off the whole thing with:
“If you, dear reader, want to be polished with morals and manners,/if you want the esteem of worthy men, or want to lead a/civilised life among noble lords, to be a shrewd overseer/of your property, keep these everlasting verses in mind,/which I have decided to write/in unadorned plain speech for untrained/boy-clerks.”
It probably rhymed in Latin.
Though clearly not a boy-clerk, but by and large untrained, I had to find out more! After quite a bit of saying very little, he blurts out that God should be number one in your heart, followed by your close relatives. The Commandments should be followed and so should the laws of the land. He then recites a list of things that someone should NOT become, including haughty, lecherous, miserly, fickle, gloomy, stupid, a lying chatterbox, or a mocker. So far, so good. (Although, define ‘mocker’ because I have the feeling…)
He suggests that the civilized man should not get into bar fights, pointless dances, or visit prostitutes. “Pointless dances”?
He moves on to spelling out a variety of ways that a person (man, in this case) should behave around other people. He suggests letting other people talk without talking over them, and to maintain eye contact while they have the floor. Even today we are still struggling with this one.
He runs through a list of nice thoughts and drops the occasional bon mot, such as: “Try to live as if you will die tomorrow, and try to learn as if you will live forever.” That’s a good one, right?
He goes on to say that you should remove your hat in church, not fall asleep during the service, and you are not to make fun of how someone else sings or if they flub when they are reading a Psalm. In fact, don’t laugh in church period. (Uh oh)
Eventually, Daniel of Beccles leaves those topics alone and focuses more on day-to-day life. He suggests that if you need to belch, you should remember to look up at the ceiling to do so. I have no idea why that salvages the situation. He says that one should not stable their horse in the hallway and that it is bad form to attack your enemy while he is squatting to defecate. Saying thank you to your host is good, sitting with your elbows on the table when you are a guest is bad. When you are invited to a meal at the house of a rich person, say as little as possible. And for crying out loud, don’t urinate in the hall when you’ve been invited over—your host can urinate in the hall, but you have to head outside and do yours ‘round the back.
When eating in public, do not eat off of your neighbour’s plate with your hands, don’t talk with your mouth full, stop eating and drinking when your host does, wait to be offered more wine, and don’t pick your nose in public. All perfectly reasonable.
There are plenty of situations that Daniel of Beccles covers that don’t really come into our modern lives: “Spoons which are used for eating do not become your property.” or “Do not hunt for fleas on your arms or bosom in front of the patron or in front of the servants in the hall” or “Loosen your reigns when riding over a bridge” or “Be careful of the dog and the hare running together”.
But there are also life lessons for us to take to heart: “It is permissible to loosen your belt before eating”, “Do not joke with someone who does not want to play” and “When eating a relish, don’t investigate the dish with your fingers”.
Yes, yes, Daniel of Beccles may have been a bit strait-laced, old-fashioned, and dead for the last 800 or so years, but that doesn’t diminish the truths he was trying to pass along to the young and graceless, and it behooves us to take note of his words and to learn a few things ourselves. Who knows when “be careful not to yell ‘wassail!’ unless you are directed” might come in handy.
I wonder what “The Book of the Civilised Man” would suggest for utensils when serving oysters on the half shell…
