But is it Legit?

Is there anything finer than being a Canadian living in Canada?  There might be (although my mind is blank), but with Canada Day almost upon us, let’s say for the sake of argument that there isn’t.

Here in Canada, there are just over 40 million of us lucky enough to live in this vast country of ours, with an estimated 90-95% of us living south of the 55th parallel.  I suppose we like to cluster together when it gets cold.  Our country is rich in natural beauty, ethnicities, optimism, and dumb luck.  With a mixture like that, how could you hope to find a better group of people to hunker down with during a snowstorm, an atmospheric river, a heat dome, or the Playoffs? 

It is suggested that Canadians are merely smiling, apologizing, friendly hicks and, while we are that, we are also aggressive in a brawl, funny, loyal, creative, and outdoorsy.  And as far as I can tell, there’s nothing against the law about that! 

What IS against the law in this country is sidling up to the counter of, say, your local Home Hardware (started in St. Jacobs Ontario in 1964) and attempting to pay for your purchase with more than 100 nickels or 100 dimes or 40 quarters or 25 loonies or 20 toonies, per transaction.  Pull that little trick and it is the sales associate’s right to turn you away.  That’s the law in Canada.  (With all retailers, not just the Home Hardwares!) 

Speaking of Canadian change, it is illegal to scratch or drill holes in our coins.  And don’t get caught bending or flattening a Canadian coin by putting it on a rail and waiting around endlessly for a train to run over it, because it’s illegal to distort a coin.     

In Canada it is illegal to waterski at night.  I can see that.  Nighttime is not really the best time to make good decisions about the majority of watersports, is it?

We’re not big on being scared in this country.  If you scare a child or a sick person and they die as a result, you will then be charged with culpable homicide!  Surely scaring sick people to death doesn’t come up very often, but it must have come up often enough for someone to write up a law against it. 

We are also not allowed to scare the King.  He doesn’t even have to die for it to be considered an illegal act, just a regular ol’ scare could land you in jail for up to 14 years.  It seems like a pointless thing to do in the first place, but it’s best keep the consequences in mind at any rate.

It turns out that it is illegal to exit a plane in Canadian airspace for any reason other than parachuting.  And parachuting is only legal upon permission from the pilot.  Now you know.

It is illegal to take your farm animals along with you to visit any of Canada’s National Parks, although most llamas can apply for a permit.  I’d imagine they’d need a bit of help filling out the permit requisition themselves, so maybe that’s why you don’t come across that many llamas on the trails.              

Each of Canada’s provincial governments have authored additional bylaws that suit their particular area or that speak to circumstances they have found to be bothersome.  For the life of me, I can’t imagine the scenario that would force the folks in Souris P.E.I. to pass the bylaw that all snowmen must be under 30” high.  There’s got to be a story behind that one.

The city of St. John’s Newfoundland put its foot down early on and now insists that cattle drives through town are only permited before 8am and after 7pm.  It must also be noted that whenever any cow with horns is making its way through town, it must be accompanied by a competent drover.  Fair enough.   

The taxi drivers in Halifax Nova Scotia could be seen as bylaw breakers if they decide to throw on a T-shirt for a day’s shift in the cab.  The industry has been given a script on how to dress for work, and that script condemns T-shirts. 

Over in Fredericton New Brunswick it has been made illegal to wear a live snake or lizard when leaving the house (I find that one very reasonable) and if you go north to Bathurst New Brunswick, you’ll find that it is actually illegal for anyone over the age of 16 to go trick or treating!  Enough is enough, so said the rule makers of Bathurst.  Edmundston New Brunswick allows each house to hold only 2 garage sales per year.  By bylaw.   

In Beaconsfield Quebec, you are only able to use up to 2 colours when painting your house.  Any more than 2 and you could be hauled before a judge.  Personally, I think that all houses need that 3rd colour in order to pop visually.  Not in Beaconsfield they don’t!         

In Toronto Ontario, it is a bylaw that if you do not pay your hotel bill, the innkeeper is able sell your horse to recoup his losses. 

Mind you, that’s not quite as tough as the lawmakers in Fort Qu’Appelle Saskatchewan who are quite firm that all teens must have their shoelaces tied whilst walking along the public streets.  Saving teens from themselves, one bylaw at a time. 

If you’re planning a move to Alberta, resist the urge to paint any of your ladders, as the Albertans have a law against that sort of nonsense.  I wonder if papier-mâché-ing or wallpapering your ladder is legal?  Wouldn’t hurt to ask.

Everything is offbeat on the mainland of British Columbia, so it doesn’t bear reporting on the laws that struggle to regulate that province. However, over in Victoria on Vancouver Island, there is a firm bylaw that discourages more than a single bagpiper from performing on the same street at any one time.  Save your jamming for the clubs, people!

We all know that from one side to the other, our country is a jewel worth treasuring.  That jewel might well take the form of a diamond in the rough, but in true Canadian style, we are all privately grateful (and even somewhat proud) of its lack of polish!

Happy Canada Day!